Boy 23 Read online

  To Sonja

  Table of Contents

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Blake

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Blake

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Blake

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Blake

  Jesper

  Blake

  Jesper

  Blake

  Jesper

  Blake

  Jesper

  Blake

  Jesper

  Blake

  Jesper

  Carina

  Blake

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Blake

  Carina

  Blake

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Blake

  Carina

  Jesper

  Blake

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Blake

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Blake

  Carina

  Blake

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Blake

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Blake

  Carina

  Blake

  Jesper

  Blake

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Blake

  Carina

  Jesper

  Blake

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Blake

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Blake

  Carina

  Blake

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Carina

  Jesper

  Acknowledgements

  About the author

  Also by Jim Carrington

  Jesper

  Suddenly the whole world shifts underneath me and I’m wide awake.

  And I’m falling.

  Only for a second.

  Because then –

  SLAM.

  I land on my side.

  And in my head I can hear this never-ending noise, like:

  RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR . . .

  My heart’s racing and my head’s pulsing.

  I don’t know what’s happening.

  I try to stay calm and take deep breaths. Except my breathing doesn’t feel right, cos there’s something against my face. Cloth? Like a mask or a hood. It scratches at my skin every time I move. It tugs at my neck, as though it’s been fastened there.

  I try to lift my hands to my face, to figure out what’s going on, but I realise they’re behind my back and they won’t move. My skin feels tight at the wrists. They’re bound together, aren’t they? My feet too. I writhe around, trying to free my hands and feet, but it’s no use.

  And all around me I hear that noise:

  RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR . . .

  Angry and roaring, ugly and vicious. Like a monster or something.

  Only it can’t be a monster, can it?

  Cos for one thing, there’s no such thing as monsters – they’re made up. There’s people and animals in the world and that’s all.

  And for another, if it was a monster, how come the sound is all around me, like it’s the only thing in the world and I’m inside it? I’d have to be in the monster’s belly for the noise to be surrounding me like this, like it had eaten me. And that’d mean I was dead.

  I can’t be dead though, can I? Cos I’m thinking this. And I can feel and hear and smell. If I was dead, I wouldn’t be able to feel how my arms and my legs are tied, would I? I wouldn’t be able to feel this thing over my face.

  Except I don’t have time to think about that right now, cos all around me that noise keeps on going – inside my head and my guts and my skin like it’s a part of me. So I decide to do something logical. I stay as still as possible, listening so I can work out what the noise is.

  RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR . . .

  It goes on and on and on like it’s never ever gonna stop. And the longer it goes on, the more I realise it doesn’t sound like anything natural, not like a person or an animal. It sounds like a machine. It sounds powerful. It changes pitch, goes up to almost a squeal and then back down to a low-bellied roar. It fills my guts with fear, makes them jump around inside me like they’re tying themselves in knots.

  I’m thrown into the air again and I land with a SMACK against something hard and I stop thinking about the noise for a second, cos I’m thinking about the pain in my side instead.

  And then I start thinking about where I am.

  Cos I’m not in My Place.

  Nothing like this has ever happened before.

  What normally happens – what happens every single day – is The Screen plays the Waking Sound – ‘Cock-a-doodle-doo’ – and I wake up and open my eyes and I see that I’m in My Place and the lights are coming on. And when I get up my provisions are waiting – juice, cereal, toast. And Feathers, my squawk, is fluttering round his cage, squawking. Same every day of my life.

  Except today.

  RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR . . .

  I don’t feel right. I’ve got a fuzzy feeling in my head. The water in my provisions last night tasted bitter. Maybe that explains this – weird things always happen after they give me the bitter water.

  The ground shakes – another almighty jerk, bouncing me up through the air. I slam against something hard with my shoulder – BANG – and crash back to the solid ground. I feel something crack in my shoulder, and the pain makes me want to scream.

  Then, suddenly, ALL the movement stops.

  No more shakes or jerks or shunts.

  Even the ‘RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR’ doesn’t sound so angry any more. It sounds slower. Lower-pitched. Rumbling.

  And then the noise splutters and finally stops completely. Gone.

  All there is, is darkness.

  I gulp. Because maybe this is it. Maybe now I’m dead.

  I wait for something to happen, to prove this isn’t the end.

  And eventually it does.

  CLUNK.

  Then another noise, closer this time – sliding metal – and a blast of cold air.

  Something closes around my ankles and I think it’s a hand. Two hands. Someone’s touching me. I feel sick. I think I’m going to vomit. I flinch away from the touch, try to wriggle away, but I can’t. I scream but the noise stays inside me, refuses to come out o
f my mouth.

  With a sudden jerk I’m moving again, dragged along by the ankles. Then I feel the hands move to my shoulders. I shrink from the touch, but the hands grab me, pull me till I’m sitting up. Completely disorientated, feeling sick.

  ‘Stand up, Jesper.’

  The sound startles me, sets my heart racing anew. Cos it was The Voice, wasn’t it?

  The hands pull me till I’m standing, unsteady, my legs bowing underneath me. I fall to the ground. Pain shoots through my body. And I’m panicking again, gasping for air, tasting the cloth covering my face.

  The hands pick me up, haul me to my feet.

  And then nothing. Except I know something’s close to me. Someone. The Voice. I feel his breath on me, sense his movement. Then I hear a metallic noise – SHING – which sounds like a knife.

  I’ve seen them on The Screen; I know what they’re for. Cutting, stabbing, tearing flesh.

  Surely he isn’t gonna do that to me? He looks after me, doesn’t he?

  I say a prayer in my head, only I can’t think of anything except this crap:

  Dear Lord,

  I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done wrong. I promise to be better in the future. Please save me, Lord. Please.

  Amen.

  I brace myself, waiting for the stab of the blade in my flesh. But instead I feel a tug at my wrists – ping – and my hands are free. Seconds later, the same at my feet. And for a second I’m thinking my prayer must have worked.

  ‘Jesper, are you OK?’

  My body stiffens with fear.

  ‘Jesper,’ The Voice says again, ‘are you all right?’

  It definitely is The Voice. It sounds like he’s actually there in front of me. I shiver. I don’t understand what’s happening.

  I open my mouth to answer that I’m OK, but all that comes out is a cough. No words.

  ‘Get out of here. You’re free. Don’t look back.’

  Cold air blows over me and I shiver again. I sniff back tears and snot.

  ‘This is for your own good, Jesper. You’re at risk in Huber. It’s the only way to save you. I’m sorry.’

  My heart thumps. Why’s he doing this to me? The Voice usually looks after me.

  ‘Get as far away as you can. Use everything I’ve taught you. You’ll find your scroll in your pack, which will keep you moving in the right direction – north-west. I’ll come looking for you when I can.’

  My brain fills with a million questions, only when I open my mouth nothing comes out except a little whining sound.

  I hear another metallic noise – something being put away (the knife?). Footsteps. A clunk as something opens and another clunk as it closes.

  The ‘RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR’ starts up again, loud and fierce, but this time the ground doesn’t shake and it doesn’t feel like I’m inside the noise. It sounds far away. There’s a crunching sound and then the roaring moves further away, as though it’s leaving me. It fades until it’s gone.

  And now I’ve heard it from the outside, I know what it was. I’ve heard cars on The Screen a million times before.

  But it’s gone, hasn’t it? And I’m here and alone, with nothing except silence and darkness and the cold wind.

  My shoulder’s in agony. It feels like something’s broken. The pain is so intense that I barely even notice the pounding in my head. But my body tells me I need to move. I get to my feet unsteadily, and as I straighten up I hear the cracking noise, feel my bones crunching back into place, mending themselves, feel my skin heal. In a few seconds I’m upright and on my feet and the only pain left is a sore feeling.

  Everything’s still dark though. I put my hands up, feel the material that’s around my face and head, and I pull at it. And as it comes off, I squizz at it and see that it isn’t a hood or a mask at all: it’s a cloth bag. Only I don’t think about that for long, cos as soon as my head’s free I feel my guts churning as though they’re surging up through my body, and I have to bend over.

  Weeeyyyuurrkkk.

  Weeeyyyuurrkkk.

  Weeeyyyuurrkkk.

  My vomit goes all over the ground and all over my shoes and everywhere.

  I crouch down, bent double, heaving, retching, trying not to chuck up again. I close my eyes and concentrate on breathing in and then out while my head and my stomach spin and the world won’t hold still.

  But the cold air helps and after a while the spinning stops and the feeling passes.

  I open my eyes and wipe the cold sweat from my forehead and the sick from my mouth.

  And only then do I see what’s in front of me.

  I can barely believe what I see.

  This definitely isn’t My Place. There’s no Screen. No bed. No walls. No carpet. No ceiling. No light bulb. No toilet. No shower. No provisions. No Feathers in his little squawk cage.

  Nothing.

  Just darkness. Night-time, like the picture on The Screen when lights go out and it’s time to sleep. It’s the sky, isn’t it? It’s all covered in dark blue/black and there’s millions of stars so white and so bright that it hurts my eyes to look at them. The moon’s brighter than anything I’ve ever seen.

  And it’s different to the pictures I’ve seen on The Screen, cos there’s no end to it, no edges. It just keeps on going, round and round and round, surrounding me, making me feel dizzy.

  Cos it’s real, isn’t it? It’s actually there.

  I’m outside.

  I take long, slow, deep breaths.

  Only staying calm isn’t easy, cos I don’t understand what’s happening. I don’t know where this place is or why I’m here.

  And then I think, What if this is a test? They could be prying on me, seeing how I react.

  Only when I squizz around, I can’t see anyone prying. Not that you ever can. You just know they’re there. Always.

  All I see is endless dark sky and trees and grass and hills and a river.

  And all I want to do is go home back to My Place, to be inside, surrounded by walls. Except The Voice just told me not to do that, didn’t he?

  I look down and I see something dark on the ground, a metre or so from where I stand. A bag. I grab it so I can squizz inside. The bag’s tied at the top with a bit of stringy rope and a toggle thing. And the first thing that I see when I open it is a bit of paper, folded into a triangle. I take it from the bag and unfold it:

  PLEASE BURN THIS NOTE AFTER READING

  Jesper,

  The place you know as My Place isn’t safe for you any longer. The Huber Corporation want you dead. They will come looking for you, so be careful. I will be doing all I can to help you.

  Whatever you do, don’t return to My Place. Stay away from all humans. Stick to the woods as much as you can.

  Head north-west, across the border with the Low Countries – the scroll I’ve provided you with has a map which will guide you. I will meet you as soon as I’ve attended to business here. The Spirit of Resistance will help us.

  Use everything I’ve taught you and you will stay safe and well.

  The Voice.

  I read it through once and then go right back to the start and read it again. It doesn’t make sense though. I could read it a million times and still not understand.

  And even though the letter said I should burn it, I fold it back into a triangle and put it in the pocket of the coat I’m wearing – cos maybe I’ll read it again later and it’ll make sense then. I look around me again before opening the bag up to see what’s inside.

  There’s all sorts of stuff: a torch and a bottle of water and a book with plain empty pages and a pen and a thick blanket and some thin string kind of stuff. There’s a scroll in there – shiny and smooth and exactly like The Scroll. I drag my finger across it and the screen comes to life, showing a map with an arrow pointing north-west and a pin marking where I am now.

  There’s food too – bread, cheese and fruit. There’s a firelighting kit, like I’ve seen on The Screen before, and a telescope wit
h buttons on the side of it to extend it and to zoom in. And there’s a knife, which I take out to look at. It’s one of those knives with loads of blades which all fold into the handle. I open them out – a sharp knife, tiny scissors, a blade with an edge that is kind of bumpy and rough, a screwdriver and loads more that I don’t know what they’re for. I fold it all back and put it in my pocket, in case I need it.

  And then I use the scroll to find north-west and I start yomping, cos that’s what The Voice said to do, isn’t it?

  Carina

  I stopped being able to sleep at night at the same time they brought me to this place.

  When the lights go out I close my eyes just like everyone else, but my thoughts race and my heart pounds and I lie awake for hours. It’s then that the unwanted memories drift into my mind. They’re the kind of thoughts I spend all my days trying to avoid by being busy. Thoughts of my family and how I ended up here. And whenever I get so tired that I fall asleep, the thoughts turn into dreams. Before long I wake up, sweating and panicking, grinding my teeth, thinking it’s happening again.

  So on nights like tonight, when the memories are coming thick and fast, the best thing to do is to get out of bed and walk the empty corridors. I swing my legs from beneath the scratchy sheets and my bare feet touch the wooden floor. I pad over to my wardrobe and root around underneath my grey uniform until I feel my hairgrips. I grab a couple, hide them in my nightdress pocket and creep through the dormitory, past rows and rows of beds with deep breathing and whimpering and snoring noises coming from them, towards the door. As I pass Sabine’s bed, I hear a noise that makes me freeze.

  It takes me a second to realise that it was nothing more than Sabine coughing in her sleep. She tosses and turns in her bed, but her eyes stay closed and I carry on walking.

  In the corridor I step carefully, avoiding loose floorboards. Moonlight streams in through the windows, lighting my way. Twenty doors line the walls of the corridor where my dorm is. I know this because I count them every time I walk this corridor. Behind each one there are girls, all sleeping soundly, some in dormitories like mine and some in smaller rooms with just a few beds. There are also a couple of single rooms, which are always kept locked, and a medical dorm/quarantine.

  On the other side of the building there’s another corridor, identical to this one, except that behind the doors there are boys rather than girls.

  I reach the end of the moonlit corridor and creep down the wooden stairs. Everything is still.

  At the bottom of the stairs I take a moment to check I am definitely alone. Because what I’m doing is forbidden. If I was found out of bed I’d be in trouble. I’d be put in one of the detention rooms, locked away, allowed out only to work. I’ve been doing this long enough to know how not to be found out though.